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Yesterday evening we lounged out on the cool, shaded grass in the backyard of my parents' house and laughed about several old memories with a few of my younger siblings. We have so many insane stories from our childhood-- it's impossible to not reflect upon several stories at a time each and every time we get together. I'm grateful to have grown up in a home full of siblings (there are a lot of kids in my family) where there was always something going on. I think it played a huge role in helping me become the person I am today.

It's sometimes strange to reflect upon old memories, though. I always find myself wondering how on earth so much time has passed since the days when I was eight years old, living in a swimsuit day-in and day-out, and rampaging around the cul-de-sac in hoards of barefooted madness with all of the other neighborhood kids. As we laid out on the grass last night, however, it dawned on me how quiet the neighborhood has become these days. All of the children that used to run around and make a ll sorts of ruckus (myself included) have since moved out of their parents' houses and moved on to new stages of life. All that is left of that once-hectic neighborhood are the ghost memories I envision every time I look out in the circle and remember how things once were.

So many phases of life, I feel, come and go before we can ever really fully appreciate them as they are. We get so caught up in the "somedays" that we sometimes neglect the "right now." Here I am, pregnant as I've ever been, and anxiously awaiting the next few months when new, exciting, and big things are going to happen-- I'll actually get to hold my baby girl in my arms (and not be pregnant and miserable!!!), we're moving to a new and exciting place (surprise, by the way), our anniversary is sneaking up on us... there are so many things to look forward to that I forget to appreciate these little moments I'm living in right NOW. 

We're always so busy thinking about the next "big thing" that I fear I'm not necessarily making the most of the special aspects of what I'm experiencing from day-to-day. I'm pregnant! This is one of the coolest things I have EVER done and yet, here I am, wishing for it all to be over already. But the end of this pregnancy will bring with it so much change. It will bring with it the end of the "Taylor + CaLea adventuring alone" era. It will bring with it the end of spontaneously going to the movie theater at midnight to catch the new film we've been wanting to see. It will bring an end to the era of it just being the two of us (oh, and Kingsley). As I come to the realization that everything is going to change in some way or another, I get this feeling of angst bubbling up from somewhere deep within me and all I want to do is press "pause" until I can fully gather my thoughts and feelings about everything that's happening.

Here's the thing: I'm in this strange state of mind where I want to freeze time and stay in the little moments that are happening right now for the rest of forever-- but yet I also want to fast forward to all of those special moments that I am anxiously awaiting. My heart feels as if it's split right down the middle (maybe it's just all of those pregnancy hormones??). I've been reading a book called The Happiness Project (which, I would totally recommend, by the way) and ironically enough, just as all of these crazy thoughts starting spinning through my head, I got to a part of the book that talked about the importance of living right now. Part of being happy is deciding to be happy. It's something you have to just decide to do... and do. And I feel the same way about learning to live in and appreciate the experiences of life as they're happening. We have to decide to do it and then just do it.

I know that the day will come when I will look back at photographs of this time of life and feel a pang of desire in my heart to "go back and experience it all one more time." That's why I take photographs in the first place: I want to remember the littlest details of different phases of life so that I can always go back and scroll through the memories on days when my heart will feel full and my brain feels nostalgic. I've made a new goal to do everything in my power to really embrace the right here and the right now as I slowly move forward into new and exciting times of life. Every moment counts-- especially all of the little in-between moments.

xx

2 comments

  1. Replies
    1. We are moving back to our good ol' hometown (holla). We got a place there!

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