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Being pregnant is basically like being the host body for some strange alien lifeform. That's really the most accurate way to describe it, if I'm being honest. The little baby acts kind of like a parasite-- she sucks up all of my energy and makes me feel like I'm going to puke more often than I would like to admit. Things get extra, extra weird when I see her little foot jabbing into my gut so aggressively that my belly displays little bulges on the outside. She kicks around constantly just to make sure that I haven't forgotten that she's there and that she exists (don't worry, hun, it's really hard to forget that you're in there-- even when you're not treating my uterus like your own personal soccer pitch).

I always have people asking me what it's like to be pregnant. It's weird, really wierd. In fact, it's the most bizarre thing I've ever experienced physically, mentally, and emotionally. I feel like my entire genetic makeup has been re-written to make me cry more and be conscious less. I wake up each morning and I'm never quite sure what size my belly is going to be (it changes too often to keep track of). One second I'm fine and the next second I'm on the verge of puking my guts out because some strange scent assaulted my nostrils or because my appetite suddenly decided that it was absolutely necessary to have eaten food five minutes ago. Being pregnant is bizarre.

That being said, this pregnancy journey has also been one of the most sweet, sentimental, and spiritual experiences I have ever had. It's so humbling to watch my body change and adapt in order to sustain the little life growing within me. It's so cool to be able to feel connected to this little girl in such a unique way that no other human being will ever experience. I am her mother, her caregiver, her life source. It's incredible to know that God has trusted me enough with the role of raising and caring for this child. I am constantly amazed by the way it feels to have her kicking around inside me (regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me sometimes). I love getting to watch her dance around within her little abode every time we get an ultrasound. Pregnancy is SO COOL but also SO HARD.

When this pregnancy first began, I remember praying that the end would come quickly and easily. But now, here I am, 22 (almost 23) weeks along and dragging my feet. Things have happened so quickly. Yes, the first four months were absolutely miserable in every way and there really wasn't much relief-- but now those months are over and the end is closer. I suppose it's easier to pray for a quick pregnancy when you're bent over a toilet bowl every day dripping in sweat and wondering if you'll ever be able to eat anything without your body rejecting it... but now that we've passed the halfway mark, I find myself wanting things to move a little slower.

But then again, somehow, at the exact same time, I'm anxious for October to come. I'm in this weird state of mind where I want to prolong these in-between moments and yet also fast-forward to the moment where I'll actually hold this little girl in my arms. Again, pregnancy is weird and it does weird things to your brain. Too many emotions. I'll just leave it all at that.


flowers (leftovers from a styled shoot): the potted pansy

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