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Throughout the entire duration of my existence I have often found myself pondering the idea of fear. When I was young, I feared my dark bedroom in the middle of the night, bees with stingers, and getting in trouble by Mother. As I grew, I grew out of old fears and into new ones. And that's how the course of my life has gone-- I conquer old fears only to come face-to-face with new ones. 

And as I've sat in an entirely incomprehensible reality over the past few days, I have come to discover a fear that has been resting rather heavily upon my mind: uncertainty. I'm terrified of not knowing what will happen in the near future and I'm terrified of having no control over the outcome. I'm stuck in what I like to refer to as "limbo." I can't exactly make steps forward if I'm stuck at a fork in the road and I'm not the one who will decide which path I must travel. 

Sometimes I feel like just sitting down and crying into the palms of hands. But mostly I just want to break free from everything and just run. I want to find adventures and allow them to carry me away; far out of this situation and far out of any of the feelings that are currently occupying my heart and my mind. I want to look into eyes that shine just as recklessly as my own and hear the thrill of unknown adventures whistling past my ears. I want to climb to the very tip top world and never look back-- not once. And once I get to the top, I suppose I shall just stay there until my skin turns to leather and my memories turn to dust. 

And I'll die as happily as I long to live. 

When I was young and I was scared, I'd just close my eyes and say a prayer.
I guess some things never change;

Faith conquers fear.


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